Letter 12

December 8, 2014

Dear Jesse,

“You are going to shine like the stars in your generation.”

He’s told each of us this from the time we were young kids, remember?

Dad.

He did, and still does, believe this with all of his heart. At your funeral, he spoke of you as his shooting star. He said although brief, he enjoyed your burn. I witnessed as he was having to rethink what his definition of “shining like a star in his generation”now meant.

Since you died, I’ve only held your camera a handful of times. It is one of the few pieces left that you hadn’t sold off while doing heroin.

It was your everyday camera.

To be able to rub my fingers over the small dings and scratches you made on it is a way for me to feel you. When I look through the lens I’ve felt connected.

I’ve felt you.

You told me at one time that taking photos was how you expressed yourself, it was indeed a straight connection to your soul.

This memory has comforted me many times. This memory has also made me think even more about what you said.

I believe you have lessons to teach not only me, but to also teach others. Most of them you never met.

Sometimes I believe a person, although they may not completely understand in the moment, can have a deeper understanding of certain events.

I believe you did.

As fucked up as you were at the end, you still looked our sister in the eye and said,

“If anything happens to me make sure Jen gets all of my media and equipment.”

You knew how things were going to end for you. You also knew there was a story that was to be told to the world.

I’ve started to tell it Jesse although I’m no where near finished.

There is still so much yet to be spoken.